Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
