I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
