mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
