yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
