He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
