her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
