I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
