I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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