omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
