I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
