okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize