I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
