there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize