I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
