how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
