she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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