maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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