I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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