From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
