i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
