i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
