i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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