Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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