I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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