at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Floor bacon is actually really good
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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