your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
