genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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