i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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