Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
