at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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