I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
