Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
