Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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