Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
