what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just invented taco cereal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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