I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
