she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
