Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
