dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
