i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
