omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize