He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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