I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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