From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
