Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
