Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize