just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
