Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
