Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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