that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
