What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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