I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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