Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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