Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize