he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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