dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
