I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
