worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
