i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
