I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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