How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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