I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
