Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
