they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I still have a little drunk in my system
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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