Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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