The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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