I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
