I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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