That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
