I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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