mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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