i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
