dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
