I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
