I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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