the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
