I met the friendliest cop last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
