jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So much rum. So many feels.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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