that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
