he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
