You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
