im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
