On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
