oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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